Fear and courageously mapping non-existent places

there is an extreme phenomenological similarity between the act of deliberately facing physical or emotional or spiritual danger, and the act of creating something. when you're being creative, truly, and you're employing your free will towards a new thing, this feels exactly the same as opening a door in a dark alleyway in a part of town you're unfamiliar with at night. you see the door, you think "can I really go there..?" and then you walk towards it. "seeing the door", catching a glimpse of it, is analogous to "seeing an idea". The idea "comes" to you from somewhere, you don't quite bootstrap it, it doesn't just follow from a kind of "necessary causality" and inevitably is "reached". that sense of causality is, in my view, backwards. instead, the future pulls the past towards it. The world itself was pulled into existence from nothing, and so it is with ideas: inside of you, you are always being 'pulled', and there is some brain science that actually says that this is how you make decisions. it's less saying "yes" and "no" and more like "saying yes" or "not saying yes", or maybe "saying no" or "not saying no", depending on what type of person you are. we typically call this going towards, this being pulled, "courage". it's a word for a type of behavior, but that behavior always feels like something to the conductor of this behavior, and that feeling has a ton of familiarity and resonance with a lot of other activities. this is why when some comedian makes a joke that is a little edgy or somehow unsafe we say "wow he really WENT THERE", he physically WENT TO THAT PLACE, and if we're keeping our wits about us enough to even be able to narrativize this event as "going there", this means that we understood what just happened, we did not go into fight or flight mode, we didnt lose our heads, and what we understand is that he PACIFIED *that place*. or maybe it was already pretty peaceful and there was nothing to be afraid of to begin with. one line from the sherlock holmes show with benedict cumberbatch that always stuck with me is when hes tripping balls on some drug and he gets a vision of moriarty, and he says to moriarty "do i really have to feel this pain" and moriarty tells him "yes you have to feel it sherlock, but you DONT HAVE TO FEAR IT sherlock". ive never forgotten that line, its a theme of dune also but the point is driven home better. yes you have to feel it, you dont get a choice in what you feel, you never do, your feelings are true and undeniable, they are whatever they are in a way, but you dont have to FEAR them, because fear is not really a feeling, it's more like a thought, it's already a rational-esque narrative, it's a 'making sense' of something. Not that you know immediately how it makes sense, but there is a 'logic' to fear that arises out of mediation. and that is what is optional, the Fear is optional, and it's a bad choice, it's a choice of Nothing, of Less, and not More, it's cutting against the grain of the natural order of things, pull towards existence and actuality which is inescapable, the growth and sprouting which all things will go through anyway and it's pointless to resist, but we do it anyway because we think we know better than god